A Little Happiness

It was my birthday two weeks ago.

Andd, my 20th birthday might be the sweetest birthday I ever had.

I don't remember if I ever write about him in here but we're kinda close. I don't know how close but we always have one day in a week for us to hang out.

That day, on April 6th, he asked me that he craved for something sweet (we both are sweet-tooth) and he'd like to have some cake. We went to a cake shop I know and it's called "First Love Patisserie" (they only sell mille crepe, it says patisserie but they hardly sell one, lol. But it's really good though). I used to really like this cake shop, they used to have earl grey flavor (yes I love earl grey) but people here are not that familiar with earl grey so maybe it didn't sell out good so they stop the production.

I was already full with Wendy's we had before so I didn't buy one. (he told me later that this ruined his plan, lol). He insisted me to buy one but I was sooo full I couldn't eat a dessert I love. So he asked me to pick my favourite flavor (again, this ruined his plan because I chose Earl Grey, lol). Out of desperation (?), he finally got his Original Mille Crepe. While waiting for the cake to be served, we talk and talk and so suddenly, when the waitress came up
THERE WAS A CANDLE ON HIS CAKE.

"Happy birthday" he said
And I was there speechless for five minutes.
Okay, maybe three?

Listen,
First, I AM DENSED. LIKE FRICKIN DENSED. No. I didn't think of anything when he asked me out or hinting me with cakes or whatever he did that day.
Second, because I'm densed, I don't know what kind of people he is, I mean his true nature (?) (or maybe because I don't care about my birthday) I was like "he is like that anyway"
It really caught me off guard.

"Hey, don't just look at it. Blow the candle"
I came back to my senses and blew the candle.
I forgot to ask for a wish.

"You ruined my plan you know. It was supposed to be like, you choose your favourite cake and without your knowing put a candle on it. But, they don't sell your favourite flavor anymore and you're full. Sorry"
HOW CAN HE SAID HIS PLAN WAS RUINED?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHEN DID HE ASK THE WAITRESS TO PUT THE CANDLE ON THE CAKE????????

"When did you tell the waitress??!"
"Hm? I don't know. Yesterday?"
"?????????????"
"Whatever. Just eat the cake. Take responsibility on your food"

Hm. How can I describe this..
I don't expect anything. I don't really like surprises that attract people attention. I like something simple. I don't like crowds, the shop wasn't crowded. It actually only have four people (including us) in that shop. I love spending time with people I like.

That moment felt simple. Sorry I'm not good describing it but,
Two people with a slice of cake with a candle on it enjoying a day in a small shop. No crowds. A small surprise in a quiet place.

It was the sweetest thing I ever had so far.
I don't know how should I thank him.

"You're no fun"
"What? Why?"
"Your reaction is no fun"
"???? What? You want me like 'OMG??' and exaggerate things like that?"
".. well, no. I mean.. you really didn't expect all of this?"
"Of course not??"
".. hm"
"what?"

"You're no fun"

Problems

Hi

Have I ever mentioned that I've someone I like recently?
Actually, I don't know for sure but talking with him excite me somehow
He's my classmate. We're also in the Orchestra team.

But open up to him is really a problem for me.
I couldn't tell him stories like I did when I was in senior high.
I'm always holding up.

I've once tried to asked his opinion about my problem and it felt good.
But after that I can't seem to tell him anymore.
By the way, not only him but everyone.
I want to tell my good friend about something I don't understand but I can't.

And I don't know why
There's something wrong with me.

End Of Third Semester

Finally holiday!!!!

I've passed this semester.
So many stories I want to tell but I couldn't put it into words nicely.

I joined a committee for an event in my department and it was totally worth it. I love the people I'm working with. They were all good. What I really like about them was how they praised us (the volunteer) after the event which was good because many people rarely did that now. It was only a "Thank You" but it was a really genuine one.

To end my semester, I got the chance to performed in (a kind of ) an international event and it was a good one. Though I got a bit disappointed by the committee but that was okay. What's important I got a good day. But I lost my jacket and it was my fault. I forgot to take back my jacket after I left the hotel, bye my green jacket :( it was my favourite :(


Lastly,

I got closer to this boy but I still confused sometimes. I don't think I still have the right mind (or heart) right now because I think it doesn't work properly for a lot of reason so I don't know how to feel or act about this. My last wound is too deep yet he's so vague (or it's just me who is too dense to feel it). I hope I didn't take the wrong signals.

Right or wrong I don't think this is going to work.
Because we really going to have a big problem in the future if this continue.
But now, I will just enjoy my teenage life.
Soon enough, ready or not, I won't have the time to do what I like anymore.

A Little Free Time

Hi guys,

I've been busy

This is the most busiest semester so far.

I almost got anxiety attack today. (Or maybe did I?)

Holiday is in a week yet there are still so many things to do. I feel so exhausted.

I haven't have my time alone.

Talking about me-time,

I got a little free time today, I used it to watch a drama called Nazo no Tenkousei. It's a good one, but if you are not interested with sci-fi thing, it would be boring and looks weird. But it had really deep meaning if you really tried to understand it.

I don't have many story to tell today but I feel like to write something.

Well I do have one but I don't know should I write it.

So,

Good bye for now.

.

hey,

it's rare for me to write in midday but i've been holding this all night and i'm really in a bad mood

today is holiday and i planned on going home today (suddenly) because my friend will go back to Germany in a week. i haven't seen him before because when he arrived (to our country) i went back to my current town (uni life started).

yesterday my other junior high friend told me that my friend is upset because he's home and nobody is there for him. i know how he feels, he traveled enough from another country just to meet one of his friend but they're not there.

i promised him that i would hang out with him when he's here but the timing was bad.

i told my mom that i wanted to go home
and she didn't let me because my friends here didn't

you can't argue with me without your logic explanation,
so of course, i don't approve that reason.

i told her what's the problem,
i don't and i won't listen if it's because "you're going to go alone to the airport"
i always travel alone and she knows that so why do i need company?
that would not be the first one i'm going to the airport alone.
i'm used to it.

she told me that it's because of traffic
so what's with the traffic? it's reality.
she told me she couldn't pick me up
what's public transportation are for?

i told her that i don't want to loose anymore friend.
because i did over stupid reason.
but she lectured me about me going to meet other people in the future and etc.etc
like i don't know that would happen.
i don't need anymore people because every one of them have disappointed me.
i told her i don't have any uni task and that i really wanted to go home
but she told me that i should just focus on my study and that i couldn't keep in touch with my old friends because they're focusing on their dreams. that's not the problem. i don't go out with them because a lot of reason.

i've told you before that this major i'm studying
is not what i want

so do you think i have one?

Questions

Hi

There are a lot of thoughts in my mind right now.

Have you ever feel like you are in the wrong path?
Is it wrong to really do what you want?
Who's the wrong one?
Is it okay to tell what's in your head?
Will people hear me?
Even though I've tried many times, why doesn't it work to me?
Am I not good enough?
Why do I can't make any progress?
Which path should I really choose?
Why doesn't it want to give up?
Should I stop?
Should I forget?
Why do they ask people to do things?
Why does it hurt?
Do I have my priorities right?

What do I really want?
Is it okay to be like this?
Can I do it?
Should I stay?
Is it okay to always act like this?
Am I okay?
Am I wrong?

Negative

I'm feeling so down these days.

Like, I always have negative thoughts in my head and I can't stop it.

I'm kinda tired of it.

I can't move forward.

I'm stuck.